As a gifted writer and, um, word master, I’ve managed to attract a lot of followers and I’m super popular because I’m a very, um… extremely… um… cool person. So I have this large following because, like I said, good with the words ‘n stuff.

But sometimes words alone just don’t cut the mustard because words can get misconstrued when you’re reading them. For instance, with texts or emails or comments in a comments section, which is the most annoying misconstruing of all the misconstru… misconstrar… ahem, misunderstandings. Someone writes one simple comment another person doesn’t like, then boom, it panties all bunched up all of a sudden! Jesus Christ, people… listen, it isn’t always about you, ya know…

…it’s about me *snicker*

Seriously though, I know you know what I’m talking about because we’ve all been guilty of doing the misconstruing, and I’m pretty sure that’s the reason emojis were invented: To assist us in replacing what we do in real, face to face communication, things such as expression, emphasis, tonality, etc., with what we write, so that our words aren’t misconstrued. Either that, or it’s for making people believe that what you write, isn’t really what you mean, it’s nicer.

Know what I mean?

I’m pretty sure some Asian techie dude invented the emoji too, because one, they’re all yellow, and two, that’s what Asians are good at, which is completely understandable considering how difficult it is for them to read their own language, much less the English language. If you think about it, the Asian language is, essentially, all emojis. I should say, all the Asian languages, since there’s more than one, which may not be immediately apparent to some of you racists out there.

So we use emojis to help us illustrate our point. For instance, if I write something like: “Hey guys, I know I’ve said this before but I guess you didn’t hear it the first time.” it could be read as: “Hey guys, I’m pissed off you didn’t hear what I said the first time, you goddamn morons!” if I don’t use a smiley emoji to clarify that I’m not really pissed off with you morons after all. 

But if I put a smiley emoji after it, well then, it makes it all nicey-nicey, doesn’t it? Even when I don’t mean it, and that’s perfect for someone like me! I can use it to address my peeps and not be offensive. At least, that’s what my therapist said anyway. 

Emojis are in place to make sure you understand that when we refer to you as an asswipe, but follow it up with a warm, smiley emoji, we’re letting you know we really don’t mean it. Or… we do mean it, but we’re trying to make you believe we don’t. That way, we can take out our frustrations with your idiocy by calling you an asswipe, but completely get away with it (ostensibly) by following it up with a big, fat smiley emoji… or wink emoji… or heart emoji! 




Published by Clever Girl

Intrepid writer, reader and comedian.

2 thoughts on “😁

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