Hey Princess, Fuck Off

There are several indicators that show someone is high maintenance. To be helpful, I’ve created a list of those indicators for people to refer to:

1. They are a woman

2. They are needy

3. They require constant attention

4. They are a pain in the ass

4. They are a woman

Hmmm, I feel like there may have been a duplication in there somewhere… oh well. Anyway, I know I’m not gonna win any “Feminist of the Year” awards for this one, but maybe I’ll win an “I Don’t Give a Shit of the Year” award for speaking the truth… or uh, writing the truth… so yeah, maybe I’ll get an award for that. I know, I’m a woman, too! I know how to spot someone high maintenance specifically for that reason. We women have strong tendencies of becoming high maintenance and it’s all because of one person: Cinder-fucking-rella!

A fictional cartoon character from a fairytale influenced an entire nation of young minds which helped to create the High Maintenance Woman, can you believe that?

Cinderella was portrayed as this helpless victim who had something missing from her life (supposedly, a man) and she would not be whole until she found it (one). She had a mean family, she was poor, she only knew how to sweep a floor. She had style she had grace, Cinderella gave good face! Then one day she heard about a ball, and a man, dark, handsome and tall. She…

Okay, that’s enough of that.

Then she was brought into wealth by a prince and she was beautiful all of a sudden.

Walt Disney created this ideal of what he thought women should be: Helpless and unwanted until marriage saved us. That lead to further victimization of women by society and the media, and a lot of women didn’t fight back. We were fed this image as children and took it into our adulthood. We bought into the whole “One day my prince will come and save me and then I’ll live happily ever after!” What a crock! Disney was an asshole. Sure, he delighted millions of children around the world, but he was a misogynist, nazi-sympathizer… AND, portrayed women as slovenly ash-sweepers until a man comes into their lives, rendering them beautiful and loved.

Please. This is the guy who manifested his homosexual tendencies in a gay rodent called Mickey Mouse.

No, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a gay rodent. 

The Cinderella fairytale has created an entire social strata of high maintenance women that has perpetuated through the decades. We can’t do anything ourselves, we constantly need reassurance, attention and assistance… and when I say “we”, I mean the “royal we”. I, personally, am not high maintenance. I’m an independent, free-thinking, do-it-yourself woman!

Until it comes to plumbing.

I recently had an experience with one: This lady I don’t even know wanted to participate in an event a bunch of us were doing, but she wanted to make sure we knew she had limitations; she wouldn’t be able to participate in all aspects of the activity and wanted us to know how much of a problem it was going to be, which begs the question, why do you want to do it then? That’s what I mean about high maintenance. She didn’t really want to do the activity, she just wanted to draw attention to herself.

Please do us all a favor and go play on the freeway, as my mother used to say.

I’ve found the best way to handle high maintenance types is to ignore them and they’ll go away. They’ll soon find someone else they can suck into their drama and they’ll never bother you again. Now, if you’re already married to one, that presents a slightly trickier situation. You probably already do try to ignore her, but it doesn’t work, huh? She keeps yapping and yammering away, driving you crazy. I’m sorry Prince Charming, but you can’t complain about her now, you were the one who picked up the crystal shoe! Oh right, it’s called the glass slipper, isn’t it? Whatever… you’re the one who pursued this nightmare now you gotta deal with it.

Yeah, I know Prince Charming was in Sleeping Beauty, another stupid movie! Seems like men have fallen for the same trap us women were lured into. If you’re “royalty” with lots of assets and you married a beautiful woman solely based on her looks and how it would make you look, lured her into a life of leisure and wealth, and now you can barely keep up with her demands, you get what you deserve. If you’re really unlucky, you got married in one of the nine states that has community property. Actually, bad luck has nothing to do with it, I mean, let’s just call a spade, a spade: You were stupid and not thinking properly… or property *snicker* Be careful in the divorce, your assets might get “Frozen” *snort, snicker, snort*

I love happy endings!


Published by Clever Girl

Intrepid writer, reader and comedian.

2 thoughts on “Hey Princess, Fuck Off

  1. My wife teaches a strength and stability class. She constantly has different ladies who will come to try out the class, but complain the whole time because they can’t do the stretches, or can’t get up and down off the floor… But they don’t just quit coming. Reminds me of the person you mentioned. Good read, Clever Girl.

    Liked by 1 person

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