Have you ever noticed how many objects there are in the world that resemble a man’s um… a man’s, uhhh… hockey stick? Even a hockey stick resembles one. A broken one perhaps, but one just the same. Why we’re absolutely swallowed up in phallic symbolism everywhere we turn!
For instance, I was drinking a delicious coffee this morning (decaf, on account of my outbursts) when I noticed a man doing landscaping… with a leaf blower… which isn’t really landscaping as much as it is GODDAMN LOUD AND ANNOYING!!
He was holding his “leaf blower” in front of him, down low, right around the crotch area, and he was swinging it from side to side… as I would imagine a man would do with that kind of thing in his hands… and it made me realize just how many wieners there are out there.
A lot of ’em live here in my quaint little town and drive BMWs, Teslas, Jaguars, Mercedeseseses… ahem… Range Rovers and Audis, but you can spot ’em in any ‘ol car CLOGGING UP THE GODDAMN FREEWAYS AND ROADS STARTING FROM 2 PM WHEN THEY PICK UP THEIR SNOTTY NOSED BRATS WHO ARE TOO FAT, SPOILED, OR LAZY TO WALK TO AND FROM SCHOOL, MAKING MY COMMUTE A MISERABLE EXPERIENCE!!
Wow, this decaf tastes really bold
We live in a man’s world and they happen to design a lot of this crap, so it makes sense that a lot of objects we use in daily life would look like one. Look around you right this minute and tell me that you don’t see at least one giant dick right in front of your face…
What? No, I didn’t see anything. I wasn’t trying to get personal it was… it was meant to be a metaphor and… well how the hell was I supposed to know that you were in the middle of… well maybe next time you should double-check that your computer camera is turned off!
Where was I? Oh yes, wieners… well they’re not just objects designed by men, they’re also a food product designed by men, which begs the question: Where did they ever get the idea?
Supposedly wieners are back in style ’cause there are tons of places that serve them. First it was the hamburger that was getting all the attention with the stupid “sliders” trend… now it’s the hot dog. Watch, they’ll probably come up with a hot dog slider, which I personally, would call a “dog sled”. Wow, I’m so fucking brilliant.
Anyway, I see those damn wiener places everywhere. In my neck of the branch, they have several joints where you can get a wiener, not including Hot Dog on a Stick, Wiener schnitzel, or the Thai massage place on the Boulevard…
You know, I used to be able to shove those things down my throat, no problem. But that was when I was young, eager and into eating those kinds of things. Now I can’t even look at one, much less think about sticking one in my mouth.
Burp… oh excuse me.