Charmed, I’m Sure
I’m a little embarrassed to tell you this, but I recently got scammed by a little old lady.
I felt like a complete sucker, and who wouldn’t?! I mean, no one is prepared to be scammed by a little old lady. You’d expect it from a lawyer, or financial planner, or a car salesman, a college exams administrator, an insurance company, a government, a president, a dictator (same thing)… but never a little old lady!
You know, I’m a really well adjusted human being, and a total sweetheart, which you can probably tell from reading my blog, so when a little old lady asks me for a favor, I’m ready to oblige, which is what happened last week while standing in a long line at the supermarket. This little old lady standing behind me asked if she could go ahead of me. This was after she struck up a conversation; she was quite the character.
Okay, looking back, I can clearly see she was a friggin’ nut job, but at that moment, she was just a good conversationalist; she did most of the talking. In fact, she wouldn’t shut the fuck up. Just as I was about to get to the cash register, she asked if she could go ahead of me, so seeing as how she only had two items and I had several, I told her to go ahead.
Turns out, just because someone only has one or two items, doesn’t mean they’re going to take less time.
She was able to flimflam me; she charmed me with her chattiness, then slid in front of me where she began to create all kinds of drama and stalling and holding everybody up in line behind her.
First, she asked for cigarettes, which are kept locked up in the front of the store, so the manager has to come with the key to open the cabinet to get them. Then she started in on the price, saying she wanted to have a clerk double check it. But when he verified it was correct, she started loudly arguing with the clerk about it and wouldn’t back down, so now all of us are stuck behind this cigarette-smoking troll, disguised as a little old lady, and were forced to wait while she created this unnecessary drama.
Not once did she look over to me and apologize for causing this inconvenience after I was kind enough to let her go ahead of me, because it was her plan all along. She’s the type of person whose only goal in life is to cause conflict and suck other people into it with her so everybody’s miserable.
You know the type.
I got pissed off that I fell for it, and I promised myself I’d never fall for it again.
Well I got tested on that promise yesterday while at another supermarket. I was just about to have my groceries checked out by the clerk, when a little old lady with three items asked if she could go ahead of me.
I almost… almost… let her go, but remembered the little old lady flimflam from last time and quickly shut her down:
“Not if you’re going to write a check.” I snapped.
Clearly, she was going to write a goddamn check. I get steamed every time some idiot pulls out a check book at the register. Really? You can’t use a fucking debit card like ninety nine percent of the population? Or… well it used to be ninety nine percent of the population until the ability to scan a payment from your smartphone was invented. I’m not sure what the percentage would be now and… hmm, well I can’t be bothered to research it.
It doesn’t matter, the point is… the point is…
What? How do I know she was gonna write a check? Well she looked like the type who would write a check. Plus, she gave me this look which I can only describe as getting busted… or maybe it was exasperation… whatever, it wasn’t my fucking problem. I quickly checked out and left, not looking back. I’m never letting a little old lady in front of me again, I’ll tell you that much.
You know, I just realized, no matter how much Botox I get injected into my forehead, it’s never enough to hide the disgust on my face.