I’m not having a good day.
I’m feeling so crummy right now, I wish I never got out of bed. In fact, the whole world can all go suck it!
I’m in a real quandary because I’m not normally like this. My outlook is usually so bright, and cheery, but this morning… nah.
I nearly ran over this old guy and I didn’t even care, that’s how bad this is.
I was about to turn onto the road and I was looking to my left for any oncoming cars, but I forgot to look to my right, and as I started turning, I see this old guy standing at the corner with this grimace on his face. Apparently he was irritated I didn’t see him, and I got startled because I didn’t expect to see some moron standing there.
So I waved a “sorry”, you know, that little hand gesture you wave to someone, acknowledging their presence and that you’re sorry you almost ran their sorry-ass over? Yeah, one of those. But he just stood there with this shitty look on his face, like he was expecting something more. Of what, I have no idea, because a wave was all I had, I didn’t have anything else to give to the old fucker.
What the hell else do you want, dude? Do you want a written apology? How about ten bucks, would that work? What about if I say I’ll never do it again? which would be stupid because I would never commit to something so stupid like that, so why are you still standing there with that look on your face?
And anyway, why, since you saw me coming and I didn’t see you, didn’t you just walk around the back of my car and keep going on your walk, so that it wouldn’t have mattered that I didn’t see you?
I’ll tell you why: because he’s a fucking moron, that’s why. Because people like that don’t want to take responsibility for themselves, they’d rather play the victim so they can blame the other person for making their life just that much more difficult.
Shall I go on? I think so.
Because for him walk around the back of my car to avoid any mishaps would mean he wouldn’t have anything to be angry about. It would mean his morning walk went off without a hitch, and then what would he have to complain about?
I sped off, tires screeching.
You know, when I’m feeling this crummy, all I want to do is console myself with something yummy to eat. Experts refer to this as “emotional eating” and I refer to it as: Shut the fuck up and let me eat whatever I want, you morons, why do you have to put a label on everything?
Anyway, I wanted to get a delicious deli sandwich from this particular Italian deli, but the problem is, they always have a long line and it takes forever to get your order. Okay, these are really delicious sandwiches, so I can understand that, but I didn’t want to drive over there and wait.
So, I thought I’d be smart by calling ahead, but I got a busy signal, so I hung up and dialed the number again. But again, I got a busy signal. I got nervous as dialed once more, my palms growing sweaty, my breath deepening, and my heart beating quickly… what if I never get through? But I finally did… only to be put on hold… damn it!
No music whatsoever, just blank on the other end. And as I was waiting, I started to worry that I wouldn’t be connected at all, that I’d be on an eternal, no-music hold while all the people who actually waited in line, got their sandwiches, one after another, until there were no more sandwiches.
But finally someone got on the phone to take my order and by then, I was so thankful, I didn’t yell or scream… I cried… tears of joy, and I blubbered my delicious sandwich order into the phone.
Vegetarian sub, if you must know.