I just want you to know I’ve properly kicked off the fall season and upcoming Holidays by eating an entire loaf of pumpkin bread from Trader Joe’s don’t judge me.
No, not all at once… what type of chubby, middle-aged woman do you take me for?
Before I start, I just want to say: fuck pumpkin spice. Why is it every year around the start of Autumn does everything that’s known to man have to be flavored and/or scented with Pumpkin Fucking Spice?
The most disgusting thing ever created by man, the Pumpkin Spice Latte, has its own Twitter account and my questions is: how savage do things have to get?!
I know I’ve said this before, but I hate cinnamon. It’s cloying, it makes me gag, and it overpowers whatever you mix it with, so instead of a nuanced blend of flavors, all you get is a mouthful of cinnamon… blech! Why even bother making a chocolate dessert if you’re going to ruin it with cinnamon? Why destroy the delicate flavor of fruit if you’re just going to douse it with cinnamon?… unless it’s an apple pie?
Cinnamon is only good for one thing: toothpicks. And some Moroccan dishes… and cinnamon rolls.
Yes, I realize that’s two things. I mean, three things. Actually four if you count the apple pie.
Yes, there are cinnamon-flavored toothpicks, and those are delicious. No, not to eat, to chew on.
There are certain things that go together and certain things that don’t. Cinnamon is tree bark (did y’all know that?), so it makes sense to put it onto a wooden toothpick, but why on earth are you putting tree bark on desserts, chocolate and coffee?!
Look, it would be safe to assume most of you love sex, right? But you don’t have sex in church because the two don’t go together. Unless you’re a priest. What I’m trying to say is, there’s a time and place for everything and that goes for cinnamon too.
Anyway, back to the pumpkin bread. It’s a box mix from Trader Joe’s that’s only available around this time of year, and it sells out very quickly, and once they run out they don’t restock it, it’s gone until next year. Part of the problem is, it’s very easy to make and it’s even easier to eat; this stuff is addictive. I like to add walnuts and raisins to mine because when at all possible, I like to cram as much deliciousness into anything food, as possible (that’s bad English right there).
Anyway, I ate the entire loaf in a few days (meaning two) and the only thing that saved me from being the ultimate porker, was a friend stopping by and eating two slices that I purposely made extra big so I wouldn’t feel so guilty about eating the rest of it.
You know, the loaf is really not that big, is what I told myself as I was licking the crumbs out of the empty baking dish. I was just lucky I didn’t have any butter sitting around because then I’d really be in trouble. I vowed many years ago I was never going to buy their pumpkin bread mix again because I always eat the entire thing, but I was weakened this past weekend *snicker*
I succumbed to Trader Joe’s evil empire of pumpkin bread. If you want to go buy yourself some, it’s in a bright orange box, you can’t miss it. I highly suggest adding some hazelnuts or pecans to it if you don’t like walnuts, which I wouldn’t understand because why dislike something so innocuous as the walnut?
Anyway, I know what you’re gonna say… “Doesn’t the pumpkin bread have cinnamon in it?” and my response is: “Aww, it’s okay, pumpkin.
Clever Girl Writes... 
It’s not that I don’t like walnuts but I find they go “off” quickly – I think it is the oils in the nuts that are extra-prone to rancidity. Give me a pecan instead please. And don’t stint on the cinnamon either! I have all the coffee drinkers at my work addicted to coffee brewed with a touch of cinnamon now (insert evil laugh here).
Deb
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That’s just cruel
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I was with you, Widow Badass, until you got to flavored coffees. Flavored coffees, of any flavor, are for those that are in denial. I go for the rush of unadulterared caffeine.
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I read about lay people sneaking in to have sex in a church and you just confirmed my suspicion – it probably didn’t happen. Penthouse forums should have checked their sources.
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I thought Penthouse was a good source *disappointed*
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Fun fact: most of the ‘cinnamon’ consumed in the U.S. isn’t real cinnamon. They take fake stuff, grind the hell out of it, sometimes add flour to keep it from caking, and let it sit on a shelf for who knows how long. No wonder we hate pumpkin spice! Sorry, I’m a little put off by foods that aren’t what they purport to be! Just a little… 😉
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So I hate something that isn’t even cinnamon
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Yes, yes you do.
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I can’t say I’ve ever tried pumpkin spice. It sounds terrible! But I love cinnamon. I’m not sure how I feel about a cinnamon-hating, nut-lover. We might have to reevaluate this relationship 😉
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I hate breakups more than cinnamon
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Hehe… I could learn to love a cinnamon-hater.
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“Yes, there are cinnamon-flavored toothpicks, and those are delicious. No, not to eat, to chew on.” Yeah but toothpicks have fiber.
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Tree bark has fiber too
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Hmmm. A nice Catalina dressing goes well with tree bark.
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How do you pick out the tree bark from between your teeth?
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Floss. My toothpicks are all gone.
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I’m with you… enough with pumpkin spice everything. Do you know they actually make toilet paper in that scent? God help us.
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No, really? I could write an entire post about that one
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CG, a rhyme just for you –What is Clever Girl made of, made of? What is Clever Girl made of? Not cinnamon or pumpkin spice, which she finds to be — not nice! But she likes veggies and bread, and stolen jam spread — and that’s what Clever Girl’s made of! HA! 🤣😂🤣
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Clever!
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Unless you’re a priest. Bwahahahahaha. I love cinnamon. Well, I eat it with my oatmeal. (It’s supposed to lower blood pressure), but I mostly love it in my raisin bread. Ugh…I’m trying to eat less carbs but that bread tastes amazing. Have you ever eaten a burger on raisin bread? TO DIE FOR. Cinnamon beef….yeah. I found a loaf of raisin bread in a bakery last week. It looked so good. I ate a piece with a slab of butter this morning and thought, my breakfast raisin bread tastes kind of salty. Well, turns out it was olive bread. That was a Sin_ OHhhh _man. lol
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hahahaha… Sinohman! I don’t eat meat, so no on the burger, but I have to admit, I would eat cinnamon raisin toast.
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Veggie burger on cinnamon toast. Just as good. lol
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Hmm, I’ll try… not to throw up
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Don’t knock it till you try it. 😀
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Someone told me the same thing about blow jobs and I hate those too
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There’s no mayo.
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That’s debatable
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Not gonna lie…the basic bitch in me loves all the pumpkin spice!
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Harley, you do you girl!
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I don’t like pumpkin spice either. Or pumpkins, for that matter. Or spicy foods. I don’t like walnuts or pecans. Cinnamon? Meh. I like almost everything else, though. Except Brussel sprouts, asparagus, arugula, squash, ….
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what about being called “pumpkin” though?
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I suppose to be called “pumpkin” is a term of endearment. But to me, it’s a term that implies a fat, round, orange head filled with seeds and easily cracked. So I guess being called “pumpkin” doesn’t do it for me.
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My sister just asked earlier in the week if I remembered cinnamon tooth picks; those were the best. I sometimes put a little cinnamon in my chili when I make it. Just a little. I can think of a few other good uses for it. And there’s no shame in eating a whole pumpkin loaf. Or a whole anything else.
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You can still get cinnamon toothpicks!
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That’s what my sister said, too. Who knew? Well, you did.
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Gonna get some. Still waiting for your next post, btw.
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Thank you. I’m not feeling very creative. I wrote something I liked a couple weeks ago, but then like a dumbass submitted it to another site. Of course I haven’t heard back, but keep thinking I’ll hold off another day before I go ahead and post it. Other than that and stupid comments, I haven’t written a word.
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Understood. Us creative types experience those moments from time to time.
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Pumpkin spice is for pumpkin pie, nothing else. As for cinnamon… it goes with a lot of things, you are missing out. And do a quick search on Amazon for cinnamon toothpicks and you will find a ton available.
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Good to know. Oh wait, I hate Amazon too, it’s like a big spoonful of cinnamon.
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😮😂
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Thanks for the link 😍
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