Thanks for Stopping By
Why do people ruin things by doing something stupid when you’re just trying to be nice or polite? For instance, when someone thanks you for asking how they’re doing.
I’ll give you an example:
Person on the phone: “Hi, it’s Jason from (whatever company, who cares) how are you today?”
Me: “I’m doing well, how are you?”
Person on the phone: “Hey, I’m doing great, thanks for asking!”
There it is: Thanks for asking. Why are you thanking me for engaging in a societal norm? Should I thank someone for holding the door open for me? I think not. Well, okay I probably should.
If I thanked them for thanking me (which would be ludicrous) it would go something like this:
Me: “Thank you for thanking me for asking.”
Person on the phone: “Oh, well thank you fo…”
I just want to ask these people: Has the world become so full of apathy that no one ever asks you how you are, including your parents, so you have to thank some stranger on the phone because they asked? Is it that bad Mister?
If you’re hanging all your hopes on me, you’ll be very disappointed to find out I don’t really give a shit. I’m only asking because I’m responding politely to your question (I may be apathetic, but I can still be polite… to an extent).
By the way, not only do I not give a shit, I’m also annoyed that you’re being obsequious and you sound way too perky. I hate perky, it’s contrived. I know you want something from me; something I’m not prepared to give, and I don’t want to be bothered by you, so let’s get on with it already.
This whole thing… this, “thanking me for asking how you are” thing… reeks of corporate drivel. I’m picturing some bored executive sitting at his expansive desk, in his equally expansive office (you know, something big enough to contain his massive ego) thinking of ways to make people’s lives more miserable, when he comes up with this asinine idea and decides it would be wonderful if all his minions would respond to the question in this manner.
Memo from the office of Mr. Jackass, of The Jackass Corporation:
From now on, when you address someone, ask how they’re doing, and when they ask you how you are, thank them for asking you!
Don’t ask why, just do it.
“What a great idea, thank you!”
“Thanks for thanking me!”
“Why are you thanking me for thanking you?”
“Because you told us to.”
How ‘bout this one:
When someone is wanting to cross the street where they’re not supposed to, so you stop in the middle of the road for them so they can (illegally, but safely), cross… but then they ruin it by impatiently waving you on with these over exaggerated arm gestures (suddenly they’re a goddamn traffic cop) instead of just giving a wave of thanks and crossing. Is this a power play? Because it’d probably be safe to say I’d win since I’m in a car and you’re not.
I impatiently wave you on because I’ve already stopped in the middle of the street to be nice, and I’m trying to get you to understand that, but you’d rather make me feel stupid for stopping for you in the first place. Don’t you dare wave me on again Mister… just cross the fucking street already, I’m not getting into a waving contest! You created the problem, now you need to see it through.
As soon as they start to cross, that’s when I like to gun my engine and watch them run for their lives.