A Walk in the Park

Posted byClever GirlPosted infunny, Funny Blog, rant, sarcasm, truthTags:, , , , , , , , ,

Driveways are very personal spaces.

They belong to the person who parks his or her car on the property where they reside, and no one should assume they can park there. I would never be so presumptuous as to pull up onto someone else’s driveway and leave my car there, and you know why? Because it’s not mine.

Not that this is breaking news, but not everyone feels the same way I do. 

For instance, last night I went out to my car to leave and found I was blocked in by someone who decided to park his car behind mine. This person doesn’t live where I live, he was visiting my neighbor who’s in the main house (I live in the guest house and we share the driveway), but he decided for some stupid reason he could park in the driveway.

Even though I needed to leave right away as I was on a tight timeline, and this car really shouldn’t be there in the first place, it would just take a second to have him move, it was really no big deal.

No big deal.

I was preparing myself to remain calm as I approached my neighbor’s front door to ask if he could tell his guest to move his car. I didn’t want to show that I felt slightly put out by this thoughtless action because my neighbor is super nice, and we get along. Plus, it was no big deal.

When he apologized for the hassle, I replied, “Don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal.” but it came out sounding tight and really high pitched because I guess it was more of a big deal than I initially thought, and that was not what I wanted to say in the first place. 

What I really wanted to say, was “Could you tell the fat, lazy bastard who blocked me in not to park in the fucking driveway anymore since it’s not his and it’s annoying that I have to wait for him to move his goddamn car when it shouldn’t be there in the first place?!!”

ahem… which I realize would show a complete lack of control on my part.

That ever happen to you? You know, when you get so irritated and flustered and… fucking pissed off, the words don’t come out like you’re calm and in control of the situation, they come out like you’re a short, angry dictator who’s trying to keep his cool in front of a bunch of goddamn idiots and you end up sounding like a whiny bitch?!!

ahem

Being the magnanimous person I am, I kept my thoughts to myself… my thoughts being: I suppose it would be too difficult for the fat bastard to walk an extra 20 feet should he have parked on the street directly in front of the house instead of someone else’s driveway. Furthermore, there’s nothing wrong with the person that I can see… I mean, physically. Mentally he’s a dumbass, but physically, he’s a grown man with no limitations other than being a moron.

It’s always a good idea to keep your thoughts to yourself… or share them on a blog, but never with anyone who wouldn’t understand.

This is not my first time at the driveway rodeo. I used to live across the street from the urgent care entrance of a medical office, and every single day there’d be an idiot who would park in my driveway, rather than walking half a block down the street to the parking structure, because that would be a put out for them.

People like that must lead pretty boring lives. Seriously. They must park in someone’s driveway to see if they can get away with it to make life more exciting, which is pretty benign if you ask me. C’mon, if you want to make life more exciting by attempting to get away with something, why not do something that’s really worth it, like robbing a bank? That would give you some excitement.

Instead of saying: “Hey, you’ll never guess what I did today… I parked in someone else’s driveway! Yeah, it was awesome… I totally got away with it!”

You could say: “Hey, you’ll never guess what I did today… I robbed a fucking bank, dude… it was awesome, I totally got away with it!”

And really, which one is better? Which one makes you out to be a gutsy risk-taker who grabs life by the balls?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Published by Clever Girl

Intrepid writer, reader and comedian.

26 thoughts on “A Walk in the Park”

  3. I’ve been to concerts where people do that…I never would because the phrase “car keying” (hint hint) kept popping into my mind… I can take stupid people because there are so many…bless their hearts…but I can’t take rude people who have no consideration for others.

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      1. I know right! No I never did it but I would have deserved it if I blocked someone in…but with my cars in those days…no one would have noticed another scratch.

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  4. I don’t have a driveway. Instead I have a garage that faces the alley. The neighbor’s gardener is always parking in front of my garage door – bastards! This really sucks when you are running late for work! Now that beats the driveway in my opinion.

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  5. Driveway is one of those words, isn’t it? Do you drive on a driveway or do you park on a driveway? While a parkway is like a highway. So what exactly is a lowway? Don’t get me started. Anyway, I had a flashback when reading this because my Mother’s mother (my Grandmother) used to visit during the day and she’d park on our driveway (where my Dad always parked) and she’d still be there when he’d come home after a hard day’s work. She knew he didn’t want her to park there. She didn’t care. Obviously. He’d come in and there was so much tension with words not said until after Grandma left. Then there was hell and brimstone and thunder and lightning. Not necessarily in that order. It was a game that Grandma and Dad played with each other that caused nothing but friction and chaos and bad feelings for the rest of us. Sometimes there just isn’t enough therapy. Good times. *sigh*

    All this to say, I feel your pain, Clever Girl.
    Mona

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  6. I used to live in Hollywood where the population density resembles the banks of the Yellow River in China. It was crowded and the parking was terrible. We lived in an apartment where the parking was behind the building.
    • There was a single driveway back to the parking.
    • My wife was pregnant with our first child.
    • Every neighbor on our block loved to party.

    It was no big deal. I called a tow truck every single time. It was no big deal for me.

    The tow trucks had experience with this kind of thing. They showed up quickly and were deaf to the now oh, so, sensitive drivers that blocked us off. They would never do this again!

    It only took this happening a couple of times for the word to got around. It was definitely no big deal after that.

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  7. I can’t imagine parking in someone’s driveway… unless they’re having a yard sale and my husband’s driving. He’ll park on your curb, your lawn or quite possibly your living room.

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  9. This is so infuriating!! I once got all passive aggressive and wrote a thinly-veiled polite but angry request to NEVER DO THIS AGAIN in numerous post-it notes (i.e 1 word/post-it) plastered all over the driver’s-side window. They never did it again.

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  10. So out of order ..beyond out of order. We have one space outside of our house. Its ours. Parking in it is more grievous to me than fondling my wife wraring my best dressing giwn – the obe with the furry collar – whilst asking me to make you a cup of tea. In our best china…

    No.

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  11. “It’s always a good idea to keep your thoughts to yourself… or share them on a blog,” Words to live by… In this case there’s no reason to be too polite. You don’t have to go crazy on his ass, but letting him know that’s a dumbshit move is a good idea…

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