It Takes A Village

I really like trees. Actually, I love trees.

People who don’t like trees might as well wrap their lips around a tailpipe and start sucking, because that’s what our air would be like if we didn’t have them.

There are people out there who like trees, but should still suck on a tailpipe.

I’ve noticed so many trees being cut down lately, it’s alarming… and it’s a damn shame, too. Cutting down a tree is like cutting your own arm off. Sure, you have another one, but you’re likely to need both of them, so why would you?

Okay, maybe that’s not the best simile, but you get the idea.

The building where I work is next to a very busy street, and on this street, there are some very large trees, and these trees have been here before most people moved to the area. There was one particular pine tree right on the corner which must’ve been about 150 feet high. It was majestic and imposing in its beauty; its roots crumpled up the asphalt it was so big, and it had been that way for probably over a hundred years. You can probably tell the tree isn’t there anymore by the way I’m referring to it in past tense.

So anyway, the name of the town where I work has the word “village” in it, which is quaint isn’t it? It was a village at one point, now it’s a bustling city replete with rich assholes driving around in their Land Rovers and Teslas. Nothing wrong with rich assholes, I wanna be one someday.

Someone once told me that every village has an idiot. Do you think that’s true? I think it may be true because whoever decided it would be a great idea to cut down that magnificent tree so a sidewalk could be put in its place, could only be a village idiot… and that’s exactly who runs this town. I knew if they put in a sidewalk, no one, and I mean absolutely no one, would use it, and do you know how I know? Because it’s a fact that rich people don’t walk… just like every village has an idiot.

Rich people pay lots of money to gyms and personal trainers and yoga and cycling studios to get their exercise, they don’t go outside, that would be ludicrous. They’re the ones cutting down all the trees, so they know the air quality isn’t good.

So they cut down the pine tree and replaced it with a concrete sidewalk that absolutely no one uses (except for me… once) and I mean, how fucking stupid is that?! I wanted to take the arm I cut off and beat the village idiot with it!

Of course, the sidewalk isn’t the only excuse that was used to cut down that amazing tree. You just know those tailpipe sucking rich morons complained about the tree’s roots that caused the bump in the road. They didn’t want to drive their Land Rovers over it and I guess it’s because those cars aren’t built for roving over land.

I thought about that woman who, in the 1990s, climbed a 150 ft. redwood tree in northern California and lived in its canopy for over two years, refusing to move until the logging company agreed they wouldn’t cut it down, along with all the other old-growth redwoods… and thank God for wackjobs like her because we still have those amazing trees! Then I thought about the pine tree and how there was no fucking way the thing was 150 ft. high because the California redwoods are the tallest trees in the world and this was just a regular pine tree (totally my mistake, I misjudged it).

Anyway, I thought about climbing the pine tree and staying there until the village idiot promised he would preserve it for future generations because I care so much about our environment and its preservation, but who’s got time for that? I have shit to do, like maintain this blog for our future generations so they can look back and say, “Who was the fucking village idiot?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

24 Comments on “It Takes A Village

  1. I’m with you (probably in the village idiot category of things too) I have an aversion to concrete, so much so that I get pretty anxious even in a small town so Mrs Bryntin keeps me out here in the green and windswept wilds.

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  2. The Conejo Park and Rec has a village idiot or 2. I called yesterday because 4 trees at the park at the end of my street (Large, old pine trees) were just cut down. I was told they were dead…and they were going to install walkways. Dead trees don’s have green needles and pine cones. So when the future generations ask “Who was the fucking village idiot?” I have his name and extension.

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  3. Honestly, I’m pretty sure there is more than one idiot in every stinkin’ village around the globe! Progress is good until they start depleting our natural resources. WTF are we going to do with no trees?! SUFFOCATE and DIE, that’s what!

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  4. I wish they’d cut that shit out. Wait…I mean leave the trees be. They need to cut out cutting…shit down. For purely selfish reasons. Because when anyone complains about “progress” and Mother Earth taking a beating, I get that damned Joni Mitchell song stuck in my head. So now the song is going round and round in my head at almost 3AM. They’re paving paradise and I’m not getting any sleep. Mona
    .

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