Piece ‘O Cake

There are two things in life that annoy me and one of them is… wait, there are a lot more than two things in life that annoy me… but anyway, one of them is when I happen to call someone and when they don’t answer, and I leave a voicemail message asking them to return my call, they send me a text message instead.

Ooooooh no.

No, no, no… that’s bullshit. If I go to the trouble of overcoming the fear of picking up the phone, dialing your number, and dealing with the possibility that you’ll answer and we’ll actually have to talk… then you need to go through the same ordeal. You need to give me the same respect I’m giving you, Mister… or Missus! (mostly Missus since I have more women in my life than men on account of being single in my Fifties). 

Speaking of being in my fifties, I had a birthday this past week (thank you, I appreciate it) and I’m a year older now, which is how birthdays work, but anyway, I used to be able to do this other thing that I can’t do anymore, which is one of the other things that annoys me.

You follow?

But before I get to that, I want to further describe how bullshit it is for you to reply to my phone message with a text: That’s like if you came to my home for a visit, knocked on my front door, and instead of me actually opening it up to talk to you face to face, I just spoke to you through the closed door. 

What’s wrong with society if we can’t communicate with one another other than electronically? Can’t you see I’m trying to communicate with you through my blog right now?! I’d call but you’d probably reply with a text!

The other thing that annoys me: Every year on my birthday, I’d go to the same car wash I’ve been going to for the past 30 plus years, to get a free birthday wash (for my car, not for me, I bathe at home), and anyway this place, the one I’ve been going to for over 30 years, no longer offers the free goddamn birthday car wash. I don’t wash my car any other time of the year; I wait all year for this and so does my car!

By the way, I finally got a new car (thank you, I appreciate it). I guess it’s a birthday present. Not to me of course, to the credit union I’m financing it through, since they’re the ones who are going to make a big chunk of change off of me. Happy birthday, fuckers.

I’m upset about this car wash thing. People don’t realize how fun it is for me to get something for free on my birthday… you know, other than birthday wishes on social media, which is sorta like wishing someone Happy Birthday through a closed door. 

But since I’m a resourceful person I decided to hit the internet highway to find out what kind of other free stuff I could get and you know what? I discovered I could get a cupcake! Sure, I could get a scoop of ice cream from Baskin Robbins, or some shit cookie dessert at BJ’s; a place I’d never go to by the way.

It’s their name: BJ’s. I kinda feel like there’s some sort of expectation there and I’m not into that kinda thing… but a cupcake? That’s right up my alley! Not just any cupcake though, a Sprinkles cupcake. They’re way better than any BJ’s since I’d be the one receiving the cupcake and they’d be the ones giving the cupcake. So I got in my car and headed over.

Come to find out, you can’t just walk in and get a birthday cupcake. No, you have to be part of their “Sprinkles Club”, which sounded like some sort of activity you’d do with the Furries… another thing I’m not really into. I mean, I don’t think I am, I’ve never tried it. I’ll have to see if the hole in my bunny costume is still there.

ahem…

Anyway, I asked them if I joined right then could I still get a birthday cupcake? and they said no, I’d have to be a member for at least three months before they’ll give one to me, and at first I thought that was stupid. But after I thought about it, it sounded reasonable. Afterall, I’d make someone wait three months before I gave out my cupcake too. Hell, they’d be waiting at least a year before they got to BJ’s. 

Published by Clever Girl

Intrepid writer, reader and comedian.

33 thoughts on “Piece ‘O Cake

  1. Thirty years before they worked out that they only saw some customers once a year? It’s a wonder they lasted that long!
    Happy somethingth birthday. No need to phone, it’s a ‘through a closed door’ kind of birthday greeting.

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  2. I’m with you…. I miss actual birthday cards. The ones you got in the mail. That people took the time to sign their name to. What does that take… 10 seconds? I love my mobile as much as anyone, but I still send cards.
    As for your car, maybe you could build a bigger shower and bathe together?

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  3. So I heard on the radio the other day that it is now “bad” phone etiquette to leave a voicemail. You are supposed to hang up and text. I’m sorry. No. Leave me a damn voicemail. I’ve told people at work that if they do not leave me a voicemail, I am going to assume they butt dialed me and therefore I was not going to call them back. Now, I’ve fallen into the trait of calling them back cause they’ll just tell my boss I’m not taking care of them. I’m with you – leave the voicemail and extend the same courtesy to me as I have to you.

    And Happy Birthday! Through the door 😉

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  4. Happy birthday!
    Oh, but do you get the texts now that are actually briefly recorded voice-texts because they are too lazy to type it all out, but it’s still too hard to actually call? And you have to press play and listen? That’s like a birthday wish through a screen door *and* the closed door.

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  5. I would have called you up to wish you a happy birthday but I don’t know your phone number, so instead I’ll send you a happy birthday text. But I can’t do that because I need your cellphone number to send you a text, and I don’t have that, either. So I’ll just wish you a happy birthday here in this comment on your post. I’ll add that I’d be happy to come over to your place and give you a free car wash in exchange for a bj. Hmm. Perhaps it’s good that I don’t know your address. Well, tomorrow is Saturday and so maybe I’ll give my wife’s car a free wash in exchange for a … I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. I think I’ve just hit a dead cellphone zone.

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  6. You crack me up! The hole in your bunny costume, lmao!! I have an excuse for responding via text message or messenger instead of calling… I live in the middle of no-fucking-where and I don’t get good cell reception most of the time so calls break up and are dropped. Sometimes, text messages take hours to go through and for some cockamamie reason, Facebook messenger messages go through no problemo! Anyway, life sucks in the backwoods of SW Missouri. Lol. Happy Birthday!!

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  7. The fact that your friends send you a text at all is testimony to the strength of your relationship. The current thinking goes along this line. “Who the Hell is annoying me with a phone call? OK Boomer, I know how to deal with your call.” BLOCK.
    I guess that it would be OK to seek permission by text to see if you can call. You will still be ignored but at least you shouldn’t be blocked. At least that has always worked in the past when I reach out to my only friend.
    I always say “Yes” when I receive my request.

    Oh, and thanks for the mental visual of you in your birthday err, bunny suit. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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