Going Viral

Posted byClever GirlPosted infunny, Funny Blog, humor, rant, sarcasm, Satire, truthTags:, , , , , , , , ,

Ahhh Chooo!

Excuse me, jeez that was a big one. I think there’s something going around…

What’s that? You’re glad I didn’t sneeze on you? Well, I would never be so idiotic as to do that. I have manners you know. One time, when I was standing in line at the airport (what else would anyone do while at the airport?) this man behind me sneezed and didn’t cover his mouth, and I felt a gush of air on the back of my head. 

I would have confronted him if I wasn’t so busy picking my nose and smearing the contents on the back of his jacket as I allowed him to pass in front of me.

Like I said… manners.

Oooooh, I get it… the Coronavirus… that’s why you don’t want me sneezing on you. Well you don’t have to worry; I don’t have it, just so you know. Honestly, I think people are getting a little too paranoid about this whole thing. 

I think the Coronavirus could be a positive thing. I mean, not the fact that thousands of people have died… although the world is grossly overpopulated… but for once people are actually washing their hands, the goddamn monkeys.

Let me take that back, that’s an insult to monkeys.

I know, I know… I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s the same ‘ol, same ‘ol: Every time I use the washroom, there’s always some idiot who leaves the stall and walks straight out the door without washing their hands… the disgusting little sluts… and I mean that in the nicest way.

Nothing wrong with being a slut, I want to be one someday

There’s something seriously wrong with going to the bathroom and walking out without washing your hands, with total impunity, like you didn’t just do what we all know you just did!

Where did these people come from? I shudder to think about what other personal hygiene habits they lack. Can you imagine having an intimate sexual interaction with a person like that? If you like to suck on fingers, you’d be in big trouble. Maybe just stick to the toes. Maybe don’t suck anything on anybody’s body, that’s my credo. I never do!

ahem… 

So there’s lots and lots of information being spread (no pun intended) on places like social media about the virus and how to avoid contamination, one of which is hand-washing; the most effective way of greatly reducing the spread of infectious disease… next to placing someone who’s infected inside a bubble. You know, like in that T.V. movie, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble, with John Travolta, remember?

I think that’s a great idea!

Anyway, all this week at work, I’d be in the washroom and would hear people leave the stall and turn on the faucet… *gasp* they were washing their grubby little hands! Not only that, they would go out of their way just to wash their hands because they’re fucking paranoid, and I gotta say, it couldn’t be more heartwarming… how considerate of them!

No, of course I’m not serious, they’re just watching out for themselves. I’m in no way fooled by this behavior. They’ll wash their hands if their health is at risk, but screw everybody else if they spread viruses around.

Once this Coronavirus thing blows over they’ll go back to being the dirty things they’ve always been, contaminating everything they touch with their filthy fingers, making lots of people sick in the process, including me!

You know something? Maybe there’s nothing wrong with a little paranoia, at least it creates manners.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Published by Clever Girl

Intrepid writer, reader and comedian.

36 thoughts on “Going Viral”

  1. I was at the store a few weeks ago and a lady in line in front of me picked the gunk out of the corner of her eye and ate it. I had never seen anyone do that before in my life, or even imagined someone would do such a thing.

    I’ll admit my first impulse was to grab her purse and vomit in it.

    To be fair, I didn’t HAVE to watch her doing it, I could have looked away. But I couldn’t. I watched the entire thing. What’s that say about me?

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    1. She ate her eye booger? Oh holy hell, that’s a new one. I nearly threw up just reading about it!
      Well, it’s hard not to take your eyes off a train wreck, even though we all know the outcome, so I’d say there’s nothing wrong with you not looking away.

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    2. I’ve done it before – what’s that say about me!? Jeje Mind you I wouldn’t consciously do it in public, but a girl once caught me on a bus when I was in primary school picking my nose. Nostril or eye discharge doesn’t phase me if it’s just me and I’m for the taking.

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    2. haha… haven’t thought about that one in a while. There’s a rumor going ’round that people aren’t buying Corona beer because of this. Don’t know if it’s true though. But people stopped buying jello and gelatine products during the Mad Cow disease outbreak… for good reason.

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  3. As a general rule, the human race is disgusting. We’re basically walking germ factories…
    And hey, pandemics are great for the economy. I saw a 6 pack of disinfectant spray on Amazon for $598. What a deal!

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  4. You are probably one of those people who have (or will have) corona virus and never know it. Corona Clever Girl will go down in history with Typhoid Mary for smearing boogers on old dirty bastards at the airport…

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  5. Thank you…oh thank you for not mentioning a Corona Beer joke.

    Lets see….Swine Flu, West Nile Virus, Mad Cow Disease, The Black Plague (ok that was serious) but the others…we are still here.

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  6. The only thing I know for certain about this virus is the media love it and the economy hates it. If science and technology doesn’t come to our rescue like it has time and time again, then who knows what the f/&k will happen if you clean your hands or not and eat your own boogers.

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  8. What I get from this is that I should just avoid restrooms altogether, because they’re unsanitary. Debating as to the best approach is to be a North Korean Dictator, just hold it in, or run for the woods.

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  9. It’s amazing how many people are freaking out and buying hand sanitizer, antibacterial soaps, etc. Everything from cleaning supplies to toilet paper is flying off the shelves! It’s like no one ever washed their hands or cleaned their homes before this! This virus has the potential to become something far worse than it is right now, and that’s a scary thing but a little handwashing (no, a LOT of handwashing) by everyone will help considerably! IMO, of course.

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    1. It’s definitely interesting to watch how people respond to a growing crisis. I think it’s a waste of time but maybe I’m wrong.

      On Fri, Mar 6, 2020, 9:24 AM Clever Girl Writes… wrote:

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