Decisions, decisions…

As a species, we are supposed to be continually evolving, and I think we are. At least, some of us are. So if we are, that means we must be continually self-evaluating to see where we are in the evolutionary process, and if we’re not, we should be. Otherwise, how would we know whether we’re not continuing to behave like idiots… and when I say “we”, I mean everybody else.

See? I’m self-evaluating. 

What sparked this one-sided conversation we’re having (which is the best kind of conversation to have) is a posting I saw about being on the autism spectrum; it referred to a list of emotions and behaviors that people who are on the spectrum display. So I read it out of curiosity, and it turns out, I have quite a few of the emotions and behaviors on the list, which begs the question: 

Who the hell made this goddamn list?! 

Well it turns out, it’s from a woman who’s on the spectrum herself; not a doctor, not a health professional… a woman who has autism, and I have a problem with that because she’s calling me out on behaviors that should not necessarily be associated with autism, but also because she’s not a doctor or health professional, even though I don’t put a lot of weight on either of those two.

What the heck, is this woman trying to accuse normal people of being on the spectrum? I am not on the spectrum, even though there’s nothing wrong with that. At least, that’s what people keep saying. 

I have nothing but admiration for people who are autistic or on the spectrum. I’ll have you know, my best friend happens to be on the spectrum. Well, he’s not my best friend, he’s a friend. I mean, I don’t hang out with him that often… but I know him. Okay, I know him in the sense that I know his first and last name and that he’s on the spectrum… ahem, but I’ll have you know, I have quite a few friends who are on the spectrum. How do I know this? Well because they display some of the emotions and behaviors that are on that list, and…

…nevermind.

This list contained acronyms like, OCD, ADHD and ODD, to which I would like to add WTF, IBS, and LOL. Plus it mentioned this doozy of a phrase: Executive Dysfunction, or ED, which is also the acronym used to describe a totally different kind of dysfunction. One I personally have had a lot of experience with because the men I try to have sex with have it, unless they pop that little blue pill.

Do you need a minute to figure that one out? I’ll wait…

Anyway, supposedly when you have Executive Dysfunction, it means (in a nutshell) you get distracted easily, take on too much at once, get overwhelmed, then you can’t make a decision… or get a hard on apparently, which is not surprising because that’s the same process men go through when they have a naked woman in front of them and they’re about to have sex.

Like, c’mon, who the hell hasn’t been overwhelmed when faced with a bunch of decisions before?! 

Let me give you an example of the series of events I go through, that this woman is labeling as Executive Dysfunction, and you can decide whether you think it warrants her diagnosis, even though I don’t give a shit what you think:

Let’s say I’m about to sit down to do some writing, but I need to go to the bathroom first. I go to the bathroom. Then I’m ready to start writing, but the laundry basket in the bathroom is overflowing, so I start a load of laundry. Then I have to remember to start the timer so I know when the laundry is finished. So now I’m ready to start writing, but before I do, I realize I’m hungry, so I start to prepare something to eat. But I notice some crumbs on the kitchen floor so I start sweeping. Then I remember my food, so I stop sweeping to eat. As I eat, I look outside and see that it’s a beautiful day, so I sit on my patio for some fresh air and sunshine (because I live in gorgeous California), and by the time I’m finished doing all that, it’s been a couple hours and I haven’t written a goddamn thing

This behavior is referred to as Executive Dysfunction? When I was growing up, we called this procrastination. Now it’s a dysfunction related to autism all of a sudden. 

Do I have to be an executive to have this dysfunction, or is it that I just can’t make decisions an executive would make because I’m not an executive? Does an executive do his/her own laundry and make food or does someone else make that decision for them? Do decisions always have to be “executive”, or can they just be “decisions”?

Published by Clever Girl

Intrepid writer, reader and comedian.

17 thoughts on “Decisions, decisions…

  1. Strange timing… I just had a girlfriend whose daughter was diagnosed with ADHD. What you’re describing is one of the symptoms of that as well. We used to call it scatterbrained… but there was no pill for big pharma to make money on, so nobody cared.
    😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My friend’s daughter was recently diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional defiant disorder) and when she told me her daughter was odd, I was like, “Yeah, no shit. All kids are brats.” But this one is a bit extra in her oddness I must say.

    Like

  3. I think it noteworthy that, despite saying you don’t give a shit what we think, you’re getting comments nonetheless. Rest assured, I wouldn’t think of commenting….and just to prove I’m serious: NO COMMENT!

    Like

  4. Damn I hate acronyms…I work in IT and hear this shit constantly. What is the IP of that DNS server that is also running DHCP?
    I feel like everyone talks in a new language…teenage text.

    Little blue pill…I take it you are not referring to Valium…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I want to see the list. And if I’m on the spectrum, I want some refunds from educational institutions, former employers and relatives who never gave me the help I deserved… If I’m not on the spectrum, nobody deserves free shit… (I assume selfish asshole is on some list of some disorder).

    Like

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