Kind-ish

I was listening to one of those wacky guru guys on YouTube talking about selflessness and kindness, and that if we are of service to others and do something to help another person, it will come back to you tenfold, and I thought to myself, “Hell, my life could use some tenfold right now!” so I made it a priority to find someone to be of service to.

Well, I didn’t make it the number one priority, I just made it A priority by adding it to the bottom of the list of all the other shit I needed to take care of, and lemme tell ya, I had a lot of shit to take care of. I’m a busy gal!

I knew the best way to handle this was not to go out of my way to look for someone to be of service to, but rather, let my Higher Power (whoever the hell that is *snicker snort*) guide me to the right person and/or situation, and you know something? It worked!

Upon coming home from running some of the many errands that were on my list, I happened to notice a bunch of dead leaves underneath my neighbor’s tree that needed to be raked up and I thought that would be a perfect thing to do. They’re out of town, so how nice would it be for them to come home and find a clean front yard. I got to the task immediately. Well, not immediately, I washed my car on their driveway first… boy was my car filthy!

This whole being kind thing is contagious because shortly after washing my car, my friend called and asked if I wanted one of his laptop computers. I happen to need one, so of course I said yes. But I think he was trying too hard to be nice because it was not something you should be giving away in this day and age of advanced electronics. In other words, it was really old. I didn’t notice how old because when he brought it over, he did a quick drive-by, leaving it on the curb.

This wasn’t being kind so much as it was a way for him to recycle it, which I ended up doing, because I’m trying to be goddamn nice. The laptop was so ancient that when I took it to one of those big box stores that offer free electronic recycling, they said to me “M’am, I’m sorry but we don’t accept luggage.” When I pointed out to the guy, who was a Millennial, that it actually was a laptop, but one that was made before he was born, he took it, but gave me a weird look…

…which I take offense to, because no Millennial has the authority or right to judge someone who’s much smarter than them. Millennials are not the smartest socks in the suitcase, lemme tell ya!

I was at the market the other day and one of them was bagging my groceries and she put the delicate lettuce on the bottom of the bag and proceeded to pack heavy stuff on top of it. When I pointed out to her that she needed to put the heavy stuff on the bottom so as not to crush the lettuce, her response was “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s only my second day.”

Well this was another perfect opportunity to be of service to someone, so I proceeded to enlighten her. I said “I know you have huge student loan debt, but if you ever expect to do well in life, you need to realize that delicate lettuce is infinitely lighter than the potatoes and soy milk you were going to put on top of it. Perhaps you need to go back to college and advance your degree in order to understand physics. Then you’ll be able to bag groceries properly.”

You know another thing that annoys me about Millennials? They have no appreciation for kindness.

After dealing with all this riff-raff, I was way too exhausted to rake up any leaves so I decided to put it off for another day. It’s never too late to be kind because we can be kind at any moment in time by having kind thoughts. That’s what this guru weirdo said anyway, and it made sense to me. Besides, I’m being kind to myself by not overdoing things, so I was of service to someone after all: myself!

You know something, I could get used to this “being kind” thing.

Have a nice day!