I’ve been kinda irritated lately.
I’m not too sure, but I think it’s because of… people.
I really needed to get out of my funk, so I decided to do some Anger Hiking, which is very therapeutic. The way it works is, you go on a hike and stew over all the shitty things people did to you the past week, and the more you think about it, the faster you hike, and the faster you hike, the more cardio workout you get, which helps to release all that pent up resentment. Sure, nature is calming but that’s beside the point. Who cares about beauty when you’re so focused on hate?
Other hikers stay the hell away from you too, which is an added benefit. If you do this, be prepared for some mumbling, swearing, and heavy breathing… and there may be some stomping, also… which kinda gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “hit the trail” *snort *snicker
Be careful because you’re on a roll… an anger roll… and you may end up doing a lot of untended mileage… which is why I’m probably so sore today.
I came up with the idea of Anger Hiking because Hot Yoga was totally misleading. I thought it was for hot heads… how the hell did I know you weren’t supposed to say “fuck off” in class?
Nothing major happened to put me in this mood, it was just a bunch of stuff. You know the saying: It’s not the big things in life that count, it’s the little things? Well yeah! They were probably talking about how it’s not just one big person that irritates the hell out of me, it’s a bunch of little people!
When I say, little people, I’m not talking about “little people”, you know, they used to be called “midgets”. Which, by the way, is a word I’m not supposed to use anymore since it’s considered offensive. It’s not offensive to me, but everyone said I don’t count.
Okay, I admit that word doesn’t sound right anymore, but the thing is, we can say “fuck off” freely and it’s considered almost noble… which is what I was trying to explain to that midget hot yoga teacher before she kicked me out of the class. You know what I think? A couple of schmucks came along and decided that word was offensive all of a sudden. They were probably over six feet tall too because it’s always the ones who don’t suffer from the injustice who try to fix it for others.
So now, every time I use that word, along with other words I’m no longer supposed to use, I get dirty looks from the white, suburban Democrats. Republicans don’t care as long as I’m not caught on tape.
Oh, and there are other words I’m not supposed to use anymore, like: lopsided, fruit-picker, banana breath, and holy roller. Okay, I totally get not saying banana breath; there’s a lot of subtext in that one.
But what’s so wrong with the other ones?… and why are people so goddamn sensitive? If they realized how many names people called me growing up, they’d be astounded!
I mean, it wasn’t that many, but you know, a few. Several. Alright, if I had to count, thousands… probably. Do you see me going around enforcing rules on others because I became an angry little word Nazi?
I’m not an angry little word Nazi. I’m a person who happens to enjoy pointing out the incorrect use of grammar and punctuation by the ignoramuses on the internet, but don’t even get me started on that, I don’t have the energy to do another hike!
You know, I think this Anger Hiking could be a thing, and not just for people who are irritated with people who are irritating. It could be a thing for irritating people who are irritating people, so they won’t be so irritating. You get me? Of course you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here, and if you don’t get me, and you’re here, you’re irritating.