Mislead Hot Head

I’ve been kinda irritated lately.

I’m not too sure, but I think it’s because of… people

I really needed to get out of my funk, so I decided to do some Anger Hiking, which is very therapeutic. The way it works is, you go on a hike and stew over all the shitty things people did to you the past week, and the more you think about it, the faster you hike, and the faster you hike, the more cardio workout you get, which helps to release all that pent up resentment. Sure, nature is calming but that’s beside the point. Who cares about beauty when you’re so focused on hate?

Other hikers stay the hell away from you too, which is an added benefit. If you do this, be prepared for some mumbling, swearing, and heavy breathing… and there may be some stomping, also… which kinda gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “hit the trail” *snort *snicker

Be careful because you’re on a roll… an anger roll… and you may end up doing a lot of untended mileage… which is why I’m probably so sore today.

I came up with the idea of Anger Hiking because Hot Yoga was totally misleading. I thought it was for hot heads… how the hell did I know you weren’t supposed to say “fuck off” in class?

Nothing major happened to put me in this mood, it was just a bunch of stuff. You know the saying: It’s not the big things in life that count, it’s the little things? Well yeah! They were probably talking about how it’s not just one big person that irritates the hell out of me, it’s a bunch of little people! 

When I say, little people, I’m not talking about “little people”, you know, they used to be called “midgets”. Which, by the way, is a word I’m not supposed to use anymore since it’s considered offensive. It’s not offensive to me, but everyone said I don’t count.

Rude.

Okay, I admit that word doesn’t sound right anymore, but the thing is, we can say “fuck off” freely and it’s considered almost noble… which is what I was trying to explain to that midget hot yoga teacher before she kicked me out of the class. You know what I think? A couple of schmucks came along and decided that word was offensive all of a sudden. They were probably over six feet tall too because it’s always the ones who don’t suffer from the injustice who try to fix it for others.

So now, every time I use that word, along with other words I’m no longer supposed to use, I get dirty looks from the white, suburban Democrats. Republicans don’t care as long as I’m not caught on tape. 

Oh, and there are other words I’m not supposed to use anymore, like: lopsided, fruit-picker, banana breath, and holy roller. Okay, I totally get not saying banana breath; there’s a lot of subtext in that one.

But what’s so wrong with the other ones?… and why are people so goddamn sensitive? If they realized how many names people called me growing up, they’d be astounded!

I mean, it wasn’t that many, but you know, a few. Several. Alright, if I had to count, thousands… probably. Do you see me going around enforcing rules on others because I became an angry little word Nazi? 

I’m not an angry little word Nazi. I’m a person who happens to enjoy pointing out the incorrect use of grammar and punctuation by the ignoramuses on the internet, but don’t even get me started on that, I don’t have the energy to do another hike!

You know, I think this Anger Hiking could be a thing, and not just for people who are irritated with people who are irritating. It could be a thing for irritating people who are irritating people, so they won’t be so irritating. You get me? Of course you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here, and if you don’t get me, and you’re here, you’re irritating.

Published by Clever Girl

Intrepid writer, reader and comedian.

24 thoughts on “Mislead Hot Head

  1. Can’t leave a coherent response. I’m so angry with the events of the last 5 days I could spit. Plus, it’s still in the high 80’s – low 90’s here and that’s just not hiking weather. But I can curse in Air Conditioning, so I will. Thank goodness for Xanax!

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  2. Hot yoga has never been appealing to me. As far as anger hiking, I don’t want to get into fights with indigenous wildlife. Bears might not like my Italian hands waving rapidly in front of my face.

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  3. I did a lot of Anger Hiking during and after the divorce. It helped to keep my weight down. The nice thing about the pandemic is not having to deal with too many people. You should consider taking advantage of that instead of dealing with their B.S., but it is up to you, of course.
    Words. The only time I use the word midget is in describing someone’s cognitive ability, such as in “mental midget.” I like the way it rolls off the tongue and the alliteration gives it a nice twang. Besides, most of those people aren’t necessarily aware that they have been insulted.
    My 2 cents. You can take it out of my “stimulus” check, or call it “You,too, can sponsor an American for less than $6 a day!”

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  4. So many levels of fun and fury and a healthy nod to inappropriateness yet it has a redeeming human message that yes, people are at heart mostly twats. Or is it that Drarves are terrifying. Both probably.
    Rage on !

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  5. Anger hiking, I could see that taking off. Of course it’s not something you could have a class for as everyone would be bruised and bloody… and who wants to pay for that.

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  6. When I hike somewhere lately, I come across people wearing masks and glaring because I’m not wearing a mask in the middle of nowhere. I wonder what they’d have thought had they seen me pissing off the side of the trail just a minute before.

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  7. I have been on way too many anger hikes. This is the Olympic level sport for amateur divorcees. What’s this about hot yoga? Isn’t that where guys go hoping to get lucky?

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