Princess AF

This was originally posted in June, 2018.

There are several indicators that show someone is high maintenance. To be helpful, I’ve created a list of those indicators for you to refer to:

1. They’re a woman

2. They’re needy

3. They require constant attention

4. They’re a pain in the ass

4. They’re a woman

Hmmm, did I repeat myself in there somewhere?

Anyway, I know I’m not gonna win any Feminist of the Year awards for this one, but maybe I’ll win an I Don’t Give a Shit of the Year award for speaking the truth… or uh, writing the truth… so yeah, maybe I’ll get an award for that. How can I betray women when I am a woman and claiming this as truth? Because I know how to spot someone high maintenance specifically for that reason. Women have strong tendencies to become high maintenance, what can I say? But it’s not our fault because we were lied to through make-believe…

… and it’s all because of one person:

Cinderella.

Cinder fuckin’ rella!

A fictional cartoon character, based on a fairytale created by a man, influenced entire generations of young minds which helped to create The High Maintenance Woman. It’s true, and the fairytale continues to have that effect on women and society to this day and I don’t see her stopping anytime too soon either unless parents pull the plug on Disney, which they should if one of the major things it’s contributed to society is teaching women to become high maintenance.

Let me explain:

Cinderella was portrayed as this helpless victim who had something missing from her life (supposedly, a man) and she would not become whole until she found one (a man). She had a mean family, she was poor, she only knew how to sweep a floor. She had style she had grace, Cinderella gave good face. Then one day she heard about a ball, and along came a man, dark, handsome and tall. She…

Okay, that’s enough.

Anyway, she was brought into wealth by a prince and then she was considered beautiful all of a sudden. She got her hair done, her nails done, got a new wardrobe, some facials… see where I’m going with this?

Walt Disney created this ideal around how he viewed women, which was helpless, ugly and unwanted until marriage to a man saved them. That lead to further victimization of women by society and the media because we were portrayed as being unable to take care of ourselves and were not valued unless we could get a man, and a lot of us women didn’t fight back right away.

We were fed this image as children and took it into our adulthood. We bought into the whole “One day my prince will come and save me and then I’ll live happily ever after!” What a crock! Disney was an asshole. Sure, he delighted millions of children around the world, but he was a misogynist, nazi-sympathizer who portrayed women as slovenly ash-sweepers until men came into their lives, rendering them beautiful and lovable all of a sudden. 

Please.

We’re supposed to buy into all this from a guy who manifested his homosexual tendencies in a gay rodent called Mickey Mouse?

Not that there’s anything wrong with being a gay rodent. 

The Cinderella fairytale has created an entire social system of high maintenance women that has perpetuated throughout the decades. This belief we are incapable of doing anything ourselves has made us constantly need reassurance, attention and assistance… and when I say “we”, I mean the “royal we”. I, personally, am not high maintenance. I’m an independent, free-thinking, do-it-yourself woman!

Until it comes to plumbing. Then I require a man to come over and snake my pipe.

ahem…

I recently had an experience with one. No, no, not a plumber… I mean, not this time anyway. Of course I get my pipes regularly snaked… but right now I’m referring to a recent experience with a high maintenance woman. Someone I don’t even know who wanted to participate in an event a few of us were doing, but she wanted to make sure we she wouldn’t be able to participate in all aspects of the activity and wanted us to know how much of a problem it was going to be, which begs the question, why do you want to do it then? She didn’t really want to do it, she just wanted to draw attention to herself.

High maintenance.

I’ve found the best way to handle these types is to ignore them and they’ll go away. They’ll soon figure out you won’t feed into their drama and they’ll never bother you again.

Now, if you’re already married to one, that presents a slightly trickier situation. You probably already do try to ignore her, but it doesn’t work. She keeps yapping away, driving you crazy. Well, sorry Prince Charming, but you can’t complain about her now, you were the one who picked up her crystal shoe! Oh right, glass slipper. Whatever… you’re the one who pursued this nightmare now you gotta deal with it.

Yes, I realize Prince Charming was the man in Sleeping Beauty, another stupid movie. Seems like men have fallen for the same trap us women were lured into with these inane fairytales.

Basically, if you’re “royalty” with lots of “assets” and you married a beautiful woman based solely on her looks and how it would make you look, lured her into a life of leisure and wealth, and now you can barely keep up with her demands, you get what you deserve. If you’re really unlucky, you got married in one of the nine states that has community property. Actually, bad luck has nothing to do with it, I mean, let’s just call a spade, a spade: You were stupid and not thinking properly… or property *snicker* *snort* Be careful in the divorce, your assets might get “Frozen” *snort, snort, snicker*

I just love happy endings!

Published by Clever Girl

Intrepid writer, reader and comedian.

24 thoughts on “Princess AF

  1. I found your blog from Kieran’s blog about farts. That’s always an amusing subject but I enjoyed this a lot. Though a dude, I get it. I just watched The Mandalorian, and that guy was a real hard ass. All about his armor, and never taking off his helmet. Somehow adopting a baby that he took into battle and almost never fed or whatever. What a douchebag (sorry, I know that’s maybe not PC anymore). Your third wave feminist meta-analysis of Cinderella’s protrayal in the zeitgeist skillfully deconstructed the inhererent male domination constructed in modern society by owners of media, all men, natch, and yte illuminated a path toward liberation. OK, I don’t know why I wrote all that but it sounded pretty good, right? I could go on but I’ll just end with me likey a lot.

    Like

      1. I’m glad, thanks. How do I find more funny like you do? How you know Kieran? Do you dare to bike out there in Lost Anguleez? There’s a blog bikinginLA but it’s terrifying. Someone’s dying every day. Happy 2021.

        Like

        1. Find more funny, how do you mean, like be more funny? Find more funny blogs?

          I’m not a cyclist, I came across Kieran’s blog probably through someone else’s blog… can’t remember.

          >

          Like

            1. Well, I’m a funny girl! I just look at life and find funny situations in the ordinary and in the absurd. Whatever can make me cry or get frustrated or angry, or when I experience any injustices in life, I also see the humor in those situations, because there’s a fine line between them. It helps if you’ve had really shitty things happen to you in life. Comedians are born from dramatic situations.

              Like

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