A Cold Shower

Originally posted Sept. 19, 2019

I was on Twitter this morning when I noticed someone’s tweet about manners. This person said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “People should hold themselves to a certain standard, courtesy boils down to having good manners, and just because someone else is acting like a douche, it’s no reason for you to do the same.”

Rather than calling the guy out on Twitter, I thought I’d just call him out here behind his back like a normal person. That way, he can’t get into an argument with a stranger online. Who’s got time for that?

I’d like to point out this guy’s use of the word “douche”, because it’s so sophomoric, it begs to be addressed by someone with brains. It means “shower” in French, and I’ve never understood why people think it’s a good word to call someone they’re aggravated with. It’s like screaming “You’re a shower!” at them.

It’s from the term “douche bag”, which loosely refers to a particular feminine product; one that essentially showers the inside of your banana basket in order to clean it, which is ludicrous to think that our banana baskets are considered dirty things that need be cleaned to begin with.

If they need cleaning so badly, why are men are constantly trying to get inside of them? And just because there’s an opening “down there”, doesn’t mean dirt gets “up there” or that all manner of dirty things can’t be shoved inside of it, ’cause believe me, I’ve shoved all kinds of dirty things up there with no problem at all, so I should know!

ahem

Uhhh… what I mean is, there are plenty of dirty objects that get shoved into all kinds of places and there’s nothing wrong with… let’s move on.

As a young girl, I remember wandering down the feminine products aisle at the supermarket and seeing them on the shelves and wondering why the hell women needed to do that to themselves (*spoiler alert: they don’t). These were just thoroughly misguided products marketed to women to make them feel badly about their pink panthers.

Anyway, I’m pretty certain that word was never intended to be culturally hijacked by the lesser gender as a slur used towards others, but here we are.

It quickly turned into mockery and used to shame or insult, but why did some dude decide that the word douche (or douche bag, for that matter) would be the best way to cut another dude down? Bitch is another word that comes to mind, but that’s for another day. Right now, let’s focus on the cold shower!

When you men use that word to insult another guy, it is essentially insulting women at the same time, just so you know. By the way, last time I checked, there were still only two genders: men and women. Everything else is just stuff confused people made up.

Although I kinda get a woman wanting to become a man, because let’s face it, it’s still a man’s world (just ask those two shower bags; Brett Kavanaugh and Donald Trump), but if you’re a man, why on earth you would want to make your life more difficult by becoming a woman?

This Twitter guy is preaching about having manners and holding oneself to a higher standard, but he negates that very proclamation by name calling… with a misnomer on top of it. That shows a lack of manners, amongst other things, like proper education, elocution, and a clear understanding of a woman’s anatomy, am I right?!

Wait, the doorbell is ringing, meaning: don’t answer that because I don’t give a ding dong whether you agree with me or not.

*snicker*

Get it? Doorbell… don’t answer… ding dong? *snicker *snort

ahem

The way I remember it, people showing manners meant doing such things as holding the door open for someone, introducing yourself and shaking hands with the person you’re meeting, and using formal language as a sign of respect, like “Pleased to meet you Mrs. Basket.”

Now having manners means you name call in a tweet instead of to someone’s face… or perhaps refraining from running some jerk off the road because he cut you off, like that guy in the Camry this morning…

Asshole!

It’s okay, he didn’t hear me.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go have a shower.

Published by Clever Girl

Intrepid writer, reader and comedian.

17 thoughts on “A Cold Shower

  1. lol! I immeditely thought of Towelie, from South Park. “You’re a towel”. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this, but would say that the biggest of all, um, showers, have to be Bill and Hillary.

    Like

  2. I heard today that the white supremacists are now calling Trump a “pussy” for not becoming Emperor and declaring Marshall Law. A “pussy”? Exactly how many insulting ways can that be used in, as you say, something that men all want to get up into.

    Like

  3. As always, an excellent piece. You had me in lmao. Here in the UK, men use an even more derogatory word for the pink palace, (I love that term BTW and once in a short story I wrote, I referred to it as ‘The Promised Land). Anyway, the word in question starts with a C and rhymes with hunt.

    Like

  4. Nice post. The brits use “shower” as an insult for one or more people as a “shower of shit.” I’m guilty of using douchebag a lot… just a funny word — like jock strap, dick, dong or “Peter”.

    Like

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