Clever Girl

😁

Emojis are in place to make sure you understand that when we refer to you as an asswipe, but follow it up with a warm, smiley emoji, we’re letting you know we really don’t mean it. Or… we do mean it, but we’re trying to make you believe we don’t.

Hit the Road, Jack

I think I’ve just discovered how to get rid of any annoying, pesky songs that get stuck in your head… goddamn it, I’m brilliant! Now if I could only patent this

Fo’ Sizzle

I’m getting hotter. Yes, yes, yes… of course my looks! I’m hot, I’ve always been hot. But lately, I’ve been getting even hotter. It happens either when I’m sleeping, or sitting in one place doing absolutely nothing (two of my favorite activities, by the way) and I’ll start getting really hot over my entireContinue reading “Fo’ Sizzle”