Clever Girl Writes...

I used the word park so many times in that paragraph, it defies proper grammar, and if people in this town knew about it, it’d probably make their panties wet... that’s...

Once I entered my fifties, that’s it I guess, I’m no longer desirable. Put me out to pasture, I’m a fucking old cow.

Plus, you really should prepare ahead of time how you’re gonna phrase things when you’re instructing a class (is it inappropriate to burst out into laughter during yoga?)

When we trip and fall, we’re in our most human moment and there's no redemption from it. No amount of money or fame can ease the embarrassment of tripping or falling down,...

You wear these clothes when you’re fed up and don’t care. They make a statement and that statement says “I don’t give a shit about myself or the world anymore today.”

You can’t do stuff like that in your mommy’s car. How the hell are you supposed to learn shit about physics if you’re strapped into an Audi looking cross-eyed at the...

It’s slightly ironic that I spent so much money getting this procedure done and I’m not even getting any action or have any prospects...

When I hear someone else using it to describe someone, it’s almost feels like I caught them doing something dirty or illegal.

It doesn’t really matter that I look like I’ve been punched in the mouth, I don’t have the money to hire a male prostitute anyway. I’ve been spending it on a...

When I realized I could no longer eat chocolate, I contemplated my existence on this earth; what’s the point of living if you can’t eat chocolate?! Well, I can eat chocolate,...