Clever Girl Writes...

So there I was, sitting in my car in the parking lot, shoving these goddamn Unicorn Oreos into my face...

When your vision board is completed, you get really excited because for a brief moment you actually believe your life will change by gluing pictures onto a board...

Yes, I did. Look, there was some alcohol involved and it was with a boyfriend, big fucking deal. Lots of people did it.

Don’t people understand that at my age the only thing I have going for me is carbs? I dream about carbs...

There are plenty of assholes around this time of year. You can find them anywhere, but they mainly hang around malls and shopping centers...

I don’t wanna break the glass and slice open my finger. I need that finger to gesture to the people on the freeway.

Jackson Galaxy is the fuckin’ weird cat lady, not me.

But I have to say, the clothing isn’t the only thing I have a fascination with, it’s the models walking the runway. Have you seen them? Jesus Christ get these people...

Anyway I have mixed feelings about these places; on the one hand, you can’t beat the price, it’s the cheapest thrill in town (it’s the only thrill in town), but on...

Once I entered my fifties, that’s it I guess, I’m no longer desirable. Put me out to pasture, I’m a fucking old cow.