Clever Girl Writes...

I need to maybe stick with the plain or ugly dudes. They're more willing to please than the hot guys...

Let me preface this by saying there are two characteristics of people I detest. Okay, there are lots of characteristics of people I detest, but the two that stand out the...

Couldn’t they come up with a more appealing term, like flower inspection? I don’t even know what a pap is.

...why we're absolutely swallowed up in phallic symbolism everywhere we turn!

I am a feminist… chubby, even. But that doesn’t supersede reality based observations. I don’t know about your courthouses, but the ones here in California employ overweight ladies

Men my age look like shit. I don’t know if it’s because they’ve had it so fucking good for so long they don’t have to try...

So there I was, sitting in my car in the parking lot, shoving these goddamn Unicorn Oreos into my face...

When your vision board is completed, you get really excited because for a brief moment you actually believe your life will change by gluing pictures onto a board...

Yes, I did. Look, there was some alcohol involved and it was with a boyfriend, big fucking deal. Lots of people did it.

Don’t people understand that at my age the only thing I have going for me is carbs? I dream about carbs...