Clever Girl Writes...

...why we're absolutely swallowed up in phallic symbolism everywhere we turn!

I am a feminist… chubby, even. But that doesn’t supersede reality based observations. I don’t know about your courthouses, but the ones here in California employ overweight ladies

Men my age look like shit. I don’t know if it’s because they’ve had it so fucking good for so long they don’t have to try...

So there I was, sitting in my car in the parking lot, shoving these goddamn Unicorn Oreos into my face...

When your vision board is completed, you get really excited because for a brief moment you actually believe your life will change by gluing pictures onto a board...

Yes, I did. Look, there was some alcohol involved and it was with a boyfriend, big fucking deal. Lots of people did it.

Don’t people understand that at my age the only thing I have going for me is carbs? I dream about carbs...

There are plenty of assholes around this time of year. You can find them anywhere, but they mainly hang around malls and shopping centers...

I don’t wanna break the glass and slice open my finger. I need that finger to gesture to the people on the freeway.

Jackson Galaxy is the fuckin’ weird cat lady, not me.