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Now, I’ve never been bombed before because I’m Caucasian, but I would imagine this is what…

When your vision board is completed, you get really excited because for a brief moment you actually believe your life will change by gluing pictures onto a board…

Don’t people understand that at my age the only thing I have going for me is carbs? I dream about carbs…

I don’t wanna break the glass and slice open my finger. I need that finger to gesture to the people on the freeway.

Anyway I have mixed feelings about these places; on the one hand, you can’t beat the price, it’s the cheapest thrill in town (it’s the only thrill in town), but on the other hand, you have to tolerate the slightly annoying language barrier.

Once I entered my fifties, that’s it I guess, I’m no longer desirable. Put me out to pasture, I’m a fucking old cow.

When we trip and fall, we’re in our most human moment and there’s no redemption from it. No amount of money or fame can ease the embarrassment of tripping or falling down, we look stupid doing it, and there’s no getting around it.