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For instance, I could use it as an excuse to get out of, well, pretty much anything. Especially work, exercise, and sex…

DUI

You can only really love something that shitty when you’re high, by the way…

Look, there’s no denying there were a lot of poor mountain folk in the Ozarks sewing quilts who never left their small towns and married people who may or may not have been their first or second cousin…

Now, I’ve never been bombed before because I’m Caucasian, but I would imagine this is what…

I slowly opened the door and saw a bunch of middle-aged women in  workout clothes dancing around in what I can only describe as…

But some mistakes do make you a dumb-ass; it’s a universal law, and just how much of a dumb-ass is determined on a sliding scale…

He assumed a woman would just accept him and his situation without demanding he try harder. He’s a man, he doesn’t have to try harder…

…and then she proceeded to tell me what and to whom I should say things, and my immediate reaction was “Seriously? Go fuck yourself.” 

So let’s get back to the deliciousness of spicy Asian food because it’s way better than sex…

I used that to my advantage though… he knows he’s being a big pain in the ass so of course he would buy a jar, and he said apricot happened to be his favorite…