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So there I was, sitting in my car in the parking lot, shoving these goddamn Unicorn Oreos into my face…
When your vision board is completed, you get really excited because for a brief moment you actually believe your life will change by gluing pictures onto a board…
Yes, I did. Look, there was some alcohol involved and it was with a boyfriend, big fucking deal. Lots of people did it.
Don’t people understand that at my age the only thing I have going for me is carbs? I dream about carbs…
Look, it’s a compulsion, the truth comes spilling out and I lose all sense of composure, it’s like taking a few shots of Kamikazes.
There are plenty of assholes around this time of year. You can find them anywhere, but they mainly hang around malls and shopping centers…
Can you imagine how old these tampons were? They’d probably disintegrate as soon as you inserted them into your love tunnel, leaving you holding just the cardboard applicator…
“The added sugar will bring repeated business, trust me. Plus, they’ll bring their friends.”
You know, this sounds disgusting. Well, I’ve done disgusting things before so what’s one more, right hairy bastard?
