Clever Girl Writes...

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Your next task is having your feats of strength tested: Pulling a shopping cart apart from the rest of the other shopping carts…

“You see, fear incites consumption; when people are afraid, they consume: Products, alcohol, drugs, porn, precious metals, toilet paper, microwave popcorn…

Ahhh Chooo! Excuse me, jeez that was a big one. I think there’s something going around… What’s that? You’re glad I didn’t sneeze on you? Well, I would never be so idiotic as to do that. I have manners you know. One time, when I was standing in line at the airport (what else would anyone do while at the airport?) this man behind me sneezed and didn’t cover his mouth, and… Read More

I refuse to allow myself to be tortured any longer! Do you realize I’ve been tortured since I was a budding teenager? Well, of course you wouldn’t.  I’ve been subjected to one torture contraption or another most of my life, and that’s saying a lot because that’s been a really, really, really long tim…  No it hasn’t. I’m talking about undergarments, people. You know, bras. Well, other things too, but let’s start… Read More

You just know those tailpipe sucking rich morons complained about the tree’s roots that caused the bump in the road…

I was preparing myself to remain calm as I approached my neighbor’s front door to ask if he could tell his guest to move his car…

Taking apart the workings under your sink involves being willing to go to a very dark place. I’m talking really dark, like…

and we all know what happens when one guy in the neighborhood has what could be perceived as the biggest…

We have hair everywhere men do (yep, same places) but women are made out to believe it’s some sort of genetic mistake…

If you’re hanging all your hopes on me, you’ll be very disappointed to find out I don’t really give a shit…