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middle-aged women can’t get a break, whether we’re accused of  having low-self esteem, too many cats, being desperate, or having lost any interest in sex…

For instance, I could use it as an excuse to get out of, well, pretty much anything. Especially work, exercise, and sex…

Look, there’s no denying there were a lot of poor mountain folk in the Ozarks sewing quilts who never left their small towns and married people who may or may not have been their first or second cousin…

So let’s get back to the deliciousness of spicy Asian food because it’s way better than sex…

If you don’t take the risk, you’ll be filled with sadness and regret at death’s door, not a good way to enter the afterlife…

I need to maybe stick with the plain or ugly dudes. They’re more willing to please than the hot guys…

Men my age look like shit. I don’t know if it’s because they’ve had it so fucking good for so long they don’t have to try…

So there I was, sitting in my car in the parking lot, shoving these goddamn Unicorn Oreos into my face…

Anyway I have mixed feelings about these places; on the one hand, you can’t beat the price, it’s the cheapest thrill in town (it’s the only thrill in town), but on the other hand, you have to tolerate the slightly annoying language barrier.

Once I entered my fifties, that’s it I guess, I’m no longer desirable. Put me out to pasture, I’m a fucking old cow.